BOOM BOOM, SHAKA-LAKA-LAKA BOOM, BOOM BOOM, SHAKA-LAKA BOOM BOOM

I thought some of you stupider people out there might need a few things explained, so I've taken a moment out of my busy schedule as God of the Universe to share some of my infinite wisdom. Before I go any further, I thought you might like to bask in my beauty and to see one of my many forms. That's me, General Shabba Rank of Marshia. I'm the best man in the whole wide world.

Hornswaggler, on the other hand, isn't. I want to clear up some common misconceptions about Hornswaggler. I created him, so I could destroy him if I wanted - I JUST DON'T WANT TO RIGHT NOW. OK? I get a lot of pleasure from laughing at him and humiliating him. He's also a member of The Wig Experience, but, as everyone knows, I'm the true genius behind the band, not him.

Hornswaggler's a small mustard rhinoceros abomination with a really annoying squeaky voice. He's gay - UNLIKE ME! - except he has a girlfriend, called Gherkin, who's an elephant. He and I used to hang out together, getting up to... stuff... we lived above a convenience store... until he decided to jack it all in and go straight. So he cut off his third horn - which he thought contained his evil - and went his own way. Now he spends his life in delicatessens buying tapenade and Warm Crusty Bread. Here's a picture of him. Carefully note the difference between him and me. I wouldn't want to be you if you made a mistake.